Chugging With Charlie… and Rich

Feb 8th, 2012 | By | Category: Feature

Charlie Wood Screaming Karaoke

Avant Greensborians Charlie Wood and Rich Rossi revisit a legendary night of karaoke at College Hill Sundries.

Rich: Charlie Wood’s lyrics incorporate a variety of political, social, philosophical, and plagiarist influences. These influences are evident by the ever present teleprompter. Mr Wood defies existing pop music conventions and appeals hugely to a burgeoning but tone deaf counterculture. Initially inspired by the music of Woody Allen, Ed Wood, and Woody of Toy Story, as well as the music and performance style of Orka the Killer Whale, he has developed a small but apathetic following. His recording career, spanning fifty minutes, has explored numerous distinct traditions in American music like singing in tune and keeping time, two habits he would later abandon as “a waste of my time and genius”.

In a relatively short period, Mr. Wood has proven to be quite prolific, penning a partially completed opera entitled “Meus Amet” (english translation: My Humps) and has recorded two full length pop LPs for Aboutagram. The first, “I’ve suffered for my art, now it’s your turn”, was nominated for a Granny. Unfortunately, his Granny wouldn’t live long enough to give him the award. Mr. Wood followed that up with some stellar tunes including a nod to his Scandinavian groupies, “Norwegian Woody”. Currently in the middle of what critics are calling his Beer Gut period, Mr. Wood is performing songs from his long awaited LP, Flabby Road. On any given night you can hear him perform songs from this LP, including two new favorites, “As Me and My Guitar Gently Pee” and “Got To Get Me Into Your Wife”.

On his most recent tour, crowds have become alarming large. The number of folks are the same, they’re just getting really big from all the bar food. With a groaning reputation as the most apathetic man in show business,  it’s only a matter of time before “Woodlemania” sets in, so before things get out of hand, we thought we’d try to give you an upfront and personal view of one of his dynamic, albeit sparsely attended, rock shows. The following is Mr. Woods’ account of a recent show at a legendary venue, College Hill:

Charlie Wood and Rich Rossi

Charlie Wood and Rich Rossi

Charlie: My first song, “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees was, admittedly, a bit lackluster. I was still mostly sober at the point, a detriment I had rectified by the time I got around to singing my other two songs.

The day started off innocently enough. I woke up at 10:30 am, early given that I usually sleep in on Saturday till at least noon, and was delighted to be hangover free, especially considering I stayed up drinking the previous night until the wee hours of the morning. Shortly after waking my mom paid a visit to see my new place which was followed by lunch at the fantastic Smith Street Diner.

After lunch with the mom, I stayed at the house and played video games (LA Noir, Skyrim, and Call of Duty are beginning to take their toll on my social life…) until about 10:30 pm when I realized the Riches (my fellow coworkers Richard Krol and Rich Rossi) were supposed to meet me at College Hill. I cursed my xbox for making me lose track of time and quickly made my way to the bar.

Once I entered I found both Rich’s sitting at the bar looking slightly annoyed at my tardiness. I shot them an awkward smile, ordered a PBR and nursed it until I was called on stage to kick off karaoke. After my less than ideal performance I made my way out back to smoke a cigarette.
Cute Backup Singers at College HillAfter a few more beers, one of which Rich Rossi was kind enough to buy, and an appearance by my illustrious office manager, Robert Ashford, it was time for my second go at karaoke. This time my song was “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. I was much more… enthusiatic this time around. Apparently, my enthusiasm was contagious as two cute blonds asked to be my back up singers; I said yes, of course.

Though that performance was better I still wasn’t satisfied. Robert and the Riches left shortly after that song; it was past their bed time, apparently. I was bored so I did the obvious thing and took some shots. By the time I was called to sing my third and final song of the evening, “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt, I was thoroughly shit-hammered. I killed that song and managed to get the whole bar to sing along as I belted out my best Gwen Stefani impersonation. Once the song was over I high fived some patrons, grabbed my coat, and made a quick departure. Not only did I believe I couldn’t one up that, at least not that night, I also had beer waiting for me in the fridge at home.

Rich: Thanks so much for that, Mr. Woods. Sorry I missed your last number. I had to wash my hair.


Photo Credits: All photos taken by one of the Riches, Richard Krol.

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4 Comments to “Chugging With Charlie… and Rich”

  1. matty sheets says:

    This is hilarious, and I don't even like karaoke at all. Really. Not one bit. This is hilarious, though.

  2. Sarah Parker says:

    sorry I missed it, you guys will have to do it again soon!

  3. Piper says:

    man, those are some cute blondes

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