I Told You So – Ask SueOct 9th, 2012 | By suzanne | Category: Misc
I’m here, Greensboro. I’m finally here.
I told the Avant Greensboro people that I wanted to write an advice column for the site two months ago. I gave my friend Reba some advice about a fellow she was dating, and she said I should have an advice column. I told her I agreed. I should. I made an e-card with a slice of my advice to her, and placed it upon her social networking page in an unsubtle attempt to relay the same thought to the fellow in her courtship.
The fellow became her boyfriend overnight. Many yips, cheers and claps were had by a select few.
I’ve given lots of good advice, lots of times.
Do I sound like an elitist self-righteous tail-hole for saying that? Yes, a little. But it’s true. As a friend and bartender, my opinion has been sought on variances from abortion and divorce to gift-giving and flirtation methods. I’ve been able to say “I told you so,” a good many times to people who’ve related woes, trials, and tribulations, who have either taken or not taken my advice. I’ve had many woes, trials, and tribulations of my own; I have certainly made more than a couple hundred dumb decisions. I’ve learned so many lessons from screwing up, I easily process and peel off priceless little nuggets of advice. That’s right, folks, priceless. I’m not charging you for these little gems of reason. You’re getting a good deal. I’ve slung beers and advice over the counter top for years; now I’ll spew it for free. Why?
I’m passionate for you, man. I’m passionate. I want you to do the right thing. I want life to work for you, just like I want it to work for me. So ask me something. I’ll give you a solid option to weigh in on.
Not sure yet? Yes, I can understand. Why should you be convinced that my advice is worthy of seeking, and why the hell should you care what I have to say anyway? You don’t know me. I’m a nobody to you. You don’t know anything about me. Those are reasons in themselves that allow me equilibrium in advising on personal and conflicting matters.
Should you need further convincing of my quality: I am a person, a baby sister. I am a mother, a name giver. I am a musician. I’m a preacher’s daughter; my Daddy is a good old man, my Mama loves me. I am broke and I am broken but I am hopeful. I am a procrastinator, it is a prevalent flaw. I am often awkward, but most people like me. I am passionate; the grapevine tells me someone thought I blew up their Mercedes Benz. I’m probably depressed, but I won’t take medicine for that. I lend a good ear; one sticks out real far. I keep secrets 98% of the time. I’ve ignored my intuition enough that I have become heartbroken with life. I’ve realized where I’ve gone wrong. I haven’t taken my own advice, and it’s gotten me in a heap full of turd-sloshings. I could easily be a wasted talent. I realize tomorrow is slipping away, and I’ve got to tape myself together now to make something of life. Let me advise you, lest you make your hair gray as mine with too many bad decisions. No well-rounded advice ever came from someone who hadn’t learned their own lessons, and I’ve learned mine sometimes four or five times over.
Ask me anything. Please. I’m ready for the offering. Who’s got a quandary out there? Need directions? Wondering what to cook tonight? Need a good way to tell someone they suck? Figuring on what to do with that unplanned pregnancy? Should you turn left or right? Ask me. Ask me anything. Ask away. Don’t leave me dry.