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Northern vs Douglas Byrd – A Valley Girl’s Perspective

Nov 22nd, 2011 | By | Category: Misc

nothern high school vs doublas byrdDue to circumstances beyond my control (I had a bitchin’ hangnail) I could not attend the championship game between northern and Douglas Byrd in Fayetteville NC this Friday. Fortunately, my daughter, a high school student at Northern, made the trip for me.

In an effort to be more inclusive and appease folks of other backgrounds who may not have the wherewithal attend the game, I asked my daughter to use that fine North Carolina public education we’ve all heard wonderful things about to translate these observations into another language of her choosing. After all, illegal aliens like sports too. I asked her to choose any language, Spanish, French, Latin, anything. We stand for equal opportunity here, if nothing else.

She chose Cheerleader, a dialect of Valley Speak, and filed this report:

We were like freezin on the bus. I was like, “Dude, turn the heat up.” Tiff said there’s no way they would. Wayyyyyy.

We got there and the band like got to eat Chick Fil-a during the first quarterrrrr. OMG! That’s not fairrrr. But everyone was super nice. Totally.

The line was totally long for hot chocolate or whatever. I was like really cold and the only heater was in the bathroom. I’m like, gross. People like do heinous things in here, yknow? Dude, it smells.

Like, mostly, I think I lost my retainer on thuh bus. My orthodontist is gonna be so pissed.

The like final score was 35-6. We won, I think. Totally.

Well, thank you Buffy.
If you should need any further translation, go here.

Final Score:
No. Guildford 35
Douglas Byrd 6
(I think)

Here are Northern’s grades for this semester:

Parking: Totally bitchin’

Food/Concessions: Whatever

Entertainment: Super super nice.

If this were a movie it would be: Clueless

If you wanna read more stuff about football, life, or college sports, visit Rich Rossi at his Syracuse blog over here. Totally.

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One Comment to “Northern vs Douglas Byrd – A Valley Girl’s Perspective”

  1. Keith Warther says:

    Ha ha. I appreciate the humor Rich!

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